Here are the rules:
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How men work.
14 replies to this topic
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 12:31 PM
Here are the rules:
We always hear 'the rules' From the female side
Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched..
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hunting, fishing, golfing, or something with wheels.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
Peace Is A Dream Only Achieved When Good Men
Are Willing To Commit Great Violence Upon Evil Men.
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 12:36 PM
“You have rights antecedent to all earthly governments: rights that cannot be repealed or restrained by human laws….” ~ John Adams
“A system of licensing and registration is the perfect device to deny gun ownership to the bourgeoisie.”
– Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 02:39 PM
Posted that on FB. Let the flaming begin!
I WILL NOT COMPLY!!!!
"Sittin' on 2000 horsepower of nitro injected war machine!"
"Pigs are just life support systems for bacon and BBQ!" Redbarron
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 09:41 PM
that was awesome, FW.
If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal isn't for you.
Ignorance can be cured by knowledge, Stupid is Forever.
"The man who has no sense of history, is like a man who has no eyes or ears."
"On every unauthoritative exercise of power by the legislature must the people rise in rebellion or their silence be construed into a surrender of that power to them? If so, how many rebellions should we have had already?"
"Cultivators of the earth are the most valuable citizens. They are the most vigorous, the most independant, the most virtuous, and they are tied to their country and wedded to it's liberty and interests by the most lasting bands."
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 09:54 PM
A really good one.
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 10:37 PM
Lol, thank you sir for that post.
Edited by devil duck, Nov. 23 2017 - 11:55 AM.
Sometimes lady luck just bends you over and calls you Sally
I came into this world with nothing, I still have most of it left.
Some people are like Slinkys. Pretty much useless but still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
There is no right way to do something wrong.
Everyone brings joy to your life. Some when they come into it, others when they leave.
I WILL NOT COMPLY
Posted Nov. 22 2017 - 11:26 PM
Isn't that one of the seven signs of the coming apocolypse? Plagues, famine, Noneya buys a gun...
Posted Nov. 23 2017 - 07:02 AM
NRA LIFE MEMBER
Posted Nov. 23 2017 - 10:51 AM
Posted Nov. 23 2017 - 11:40 AM
Absolutely on the mark. Especially number one.
Posted Nov. 23 2017 - 12:00 PM
I let the wife read it. She actually laughed. We have a running joke when she asks some question and I give the correct answer. She responds with "you studied didn't you"
Posted Dec. 02 2017 - 08:13 PM
Now that there is funny!
Posted Dec. 06 2017 - 11:34 PM
These really are rules to live by. Good one.
Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad! And Remember... Don't Mess With Texas!
National Rifle Association, National Association for Gun Rights, Texas State Rifle Association,
Mauser Shooting Association, Grand Prairie Gun Club
Posted Dec. 07 2017 - 06:56 AM
The days of going unarmed in America are over.
Shoot what you like; like what you shoot.
Posted Dec. 07 2017 - 07:30 AM
I don't know how I missed this before.
I think #1 was the best.
Lighten up Francis!
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
"We need to Kill Them. We need to Kill them." Judge Jeanine Pirro on radical Muslim Terroists.
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