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Saikatana

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Saikatana last won the day on February 8 2019

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  1. Saikatana

    Recycled, But Good

    Three drunk friends got into a taxi. The taxi driver knew that all three guys were drunk, so he started the engine and after a couple of minutes he turned it off. Then he announced, "We have reached your destination." The first drunk gave the taxi driver money as he exited. The second drunk said, "Thank you!" and gave the driver a tip. The third drunk slapped the driver upside his head. The taxi driver was thinking the third drunk knew what he had done. But then he asked him, "What did you slap me for?" The drunk replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!" Cash Pallet AOC gave her Top Aide this for her Birthday " What are they?" The Aide asked. "DUH!!!" replied AOC, "they're Blue Tooth jumper cables!! You know …………..wireless!!" Free Porn If you get a link called "free porn" dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so Idint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends!!!!!!
  2. Saikatana

    Word From All Over

    AOC enlisted in the Space Force...…...... therefore confirming she is a Congressional space cadet! Trump: Just once I'd like to visit California and get a wonderful reception. Staff member: You can sir. Trump: And how would I do that? Staff member: Leave the country and come back in illegally. And then the fight started Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Joe interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet." Low Battery I saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’. Whenever she calls and I’m not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly. I ordered my first Beyond Burger today Cashier: Can I take your order? Me: I want the vegetable thing that identifies as meat. Cashier: You mean the Beyond Burger? Me: Yes Cashier: That'll be $3.59 Me: Here you go. (placing some twigs and grass on the counter and pushing it toward her) Cashier: What is that? Me: That's Beyond Money
  3. Saikatana

    Gov. Northam Declares Emergency for VA Lobby Day

    I think the obvious has not been stated, …Where is the Headquarters of NRA? So start Anti 2A in Virginia, their backyard.End run to stop the NRA?
  4. Saikatana

    Say Whaaaaat???

    When AOC was a barkeep she made up a drink. She called it a "15 " , you know ………… a 7 & 7!!!! What Turns You On? Michelle gets naked in front of Barack and asks: "What turns you on the most, my pretty face, my voluptuous bust or my sexy butt??? He briefly looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humor." AOC was bragging to a friend , "My doctor wants to test me for lupus.........….which is really weird because I've never even seen a werewolf!!!! Trying to find a potential winner among the dem candidates is like trying to find a tootsie roll in a septic tank. Old sailor An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to the room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age and asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute says, "Well, sailor, you're doing about 3 knots." "How's that?" he asks. She says, "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back." Good advice is hard to find A man complains to his doctor that his sex life is deteriorating rapidly. The doctor tells him he needs to reintroduce some excitement, unexpected lust, and passion into the process. He ponders this for a few days and hatches a plan. He goes back to the doctor for a follow-up and the doctor asks how things are going. “Well,” he says, “I did everything you suggested. My boss let me leave work an hour early. So, I sped home leaving rubber all over the road, and skidded into the driveway. I slammed the door, charged into the house and found the wife in the living room. I stripped her naked and we went at it, tooth and nail, right there on the coffee table!” “And did you enjoy it!?” asked the doctor enthusiastically. “We both enjoyed it very much, but her Bible group felt it was somewhat inappropriate!”
  5. Saikatana

    Ya Think???????

    When Allah promised his thugs 72 virgins in heaven................................... did he specify female, male, sheep, or other? Autocorrect.............................another name for marriage? AOC was arrested yesterday at a DC laundromat completely naked. When police asked why was naked, she pointed to a sign on the wall. " Duh....... When washer stops, remove your clothes". The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin? The doctor quickly responded, "To avoid criticism." New disease Just as the Russians weaponized anthrax from hoof-and-mouth disease..................... Biden has weaponized foot-in-mouth disease for the American socialists.
  6. Saikatana

    Different Thoughts

    Building permit We recently applied for a building permit for a new house. We decided it was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment system. I was going to hire some idiot to scream over the loudspeakers 4 times each day. We have enough property that it could have parking for 200 cars and my husband was going to paint it “snot green” while I insisted on pink trim. The County Building permit office told us to go to hell. So we sent in the application again….but this time we called it a Mosque. Work starts on Monday. And the best part is that it will be tax exempt! I love this country, but it’s the government that scares the %@*@! out of me. Went to a restaurant the other night. I called the waitress over, who turned out to be AOC, and said: "I have a few questions about the menu, please." She got angry. She stamped her foot and said: "Buddy, the men I please are none of your business!" When Congress returns from the Holidays the House has only one agenda open. They are opening an investigation on a call from Trump's office that involved the pardoning of 2 turkeys on 11/24/19 That Period is Important!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm giving up drinking for a month Sorry that came out wrong. I'm giving up. Drinking for a month. Jesus got word there was a big mob preparing to stone some malefactor, so he briskly strode down to the town square, and, confronting the mob, proclaimed "let he who is without sin cast the first stone!" The lead mobster turned around with a big smile, offering him a rock. "Hey, Jesus wants a throw! Sorry, we didn't think you'd be into this.
  7. Saikatana

    Too Much Time on My Hands

    The democrats solved a Rubik's cube today Not all sides were the same color so they impeached it. A panel of democrat lawyers said the Rubik's cube was breaking the law for not being the same color, so the constitution demanded the cube be impeached. Sunday terminology: Amen - The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. Holy water - A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. Incense - Holy Smoke ! Jonah - The original "Jaws" story Magi - The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. Pew - A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. Ten Commandments - The most important top ten list not given by David Letterman. Jesuits - An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. Striking Gold One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender. "We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right." The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner. "I don't," replied the whore, "I just thought you might like to open those beers first." Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one............ Michael J. Fox has a short one...…… Madonna doesn't have one...…… The Pope doesn't use his...………….. Justin Bieber always uses his...…………. What is it?.................................................A last name. Shame on all you perverts for thinking something else.
  8. Saikatana

    From All Over the Place

    At the Dentist's Dentist: "You have three cavities. Do you want to have them all filled today?" AOC: "Woah woah, we just met, let's start with fixing my teeth, then we'll see about that! Subject: The "F" Word These are the only ten times in history the "F" word has been acceptable for use... 10. "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -Picasso, 1926 6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo,1566 4. "Where the @#$% are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937 3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... my ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC 2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -Bill Clinton, 1999 And . . . drum roll . . . . . 1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." -Osama bin Laden, November, 2001 If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple……..what would she have done for a Klondike bar? The Blind Man A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said," do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!" My friend injured his manhood in a surfing incident..............................He had to shut his laptop quickly when his wife came home unexpectedly
  9. Saikatana

    Sometimes it Just Happens

    Apparently, there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support. A woman calls up her husband at work for a chat. HIM “I’m sorry dear but I’m up to my neck in work today.” HER “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you dear.” HIM “OK darling, but as I’ve got no time now, just give me the good news.” HER “Well, the air bag works.” The Test My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is:......................................................................................... Always keep your condoms in your car!!!!!!!!!! I do like to spoil the misses after she’s had a long day at work, I run the hot water, make sure it’s got loads of bubbles. swirl it around and around to make it all frothy. Time it perfectly..............so she can do the dishes the minute she walks in
  10. Saikatana

    Beware the Season

    Thanksgiving The turkey shot out of the oven, And rocketed into the air. It knocked every plate off the table, And partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner, And burst with a deafening boom. Then splattered all over the kitchen, Completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows. It totally coated the floor. There was turkey attached to the ceiling, Where there’d never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance. It smeared every saucer and bowl. There wasn’t a way I could stop it. That turkey was out of control! I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, And thought with chagrin as I mopped, That I’d never again stuff a turkey With popcorn that hadn’t been popped.
  11. Saikatana

    Little Bits of Knowledge

    Consider all those who "promised" to leave the USA if Trump won the Presidency... It's been almost 3 years and they're still here. It's because of the tariffs on livestock!!!!! I started to go to the gym this morning but I realized I lost my membership card. A new one costs $10...................A donut and coffee is $4.00.......................... Guess who saved $6.00? One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?” “Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.” “Three?” “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is the Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” “Oh no,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it.” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?” “No, on the contrary…” “So,” Socrates interrupted, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?” The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?” “Well it….no, not really…” “Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?” The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife... Most people write "Congrats" on cards..........because they can't spell congrashulashuns
  12. Saikatana

    Lost the key? No problem.

    OK How about an enema system for Dems??????
  13. Saikatana

    Current Event

    McDonald's CEO Steve Easterbrook out after 'poor judgment' involving relationship with employee........really? He warned them in 2016 at a staff meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. Saikatana

    Just My Thoughts

    Stalking: When two people go for a long, romantic walk together................but only one knows it. If Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween..........I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors Saved some money this year and got candy at Aldi....................Hope the kids like Skattles, N&N's, and 4 Musketeers. Do You Think?????? ---Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record --Wife Of Protestant Asks Him To Please Stop Nailing Grocery List To Front Door --Asylum Orderlies Return Hillary Clinton To Padded Cell Disguised As Oval Office --Progressive Utopia Of California Becomes First State To Eliminate Electricity Entirely --Washington Post To Run All Headlines By In-House ISIS Marketing Rep --CNN Uncovers Evidence Hero Dog Sniffed Dozens Of Butts Back In College -Extreme Vegan Has All Meat Removed From Body --Trump Gets Dems To Interrupt Baseball, Condemn Dogs, Side With Terrorists.................. All Within 24 Hours
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