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Saikatana

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Saikatana last won the day on February 8 2019

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  1. I made a killing repackaging bras......................... as Covid 19 masks for Siamese twins. Hillary says "How could we have known about Harvey Weinstein?" And to be fair........... Hillary isn't very good at identifying sexual predators. Antifa couples prefer doggie style ................. So neither one of them miss a minute of themselves in the riot on TV Walked outside to find that my wife's cat had killed the Rottweiler next door...................got caught in his throat
  2. In an effort to level the debate playing field .......................Barron Trump will debate Joe Biden. The Toast John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." President Donald Trump has a plan to keep blm and panty-fa away from his rallies..........................He's calling them "job fairs"
  3. After looking at: I'd bet vodka is involved by Flesh Wound in the Funnies I was reminded of the lunch suggested by Franc White........."The Southern Sportsman" on TV He would take a canalope and and stick a knife in the end cutting a circle about 3" in diameter and remove this plug. Scoop out the seeds and discard. Fill the "lope with fruit cocktail, and a little sliced banana. Add a shot (or 2) of rum. Replace plug and secure with toothpicks. Place in Fridge for 6 hours to chill and "Mellow" Enjoy!!!!!
  4. I'm getting so old that dating women half my age is no longer illegal Obama wakes up on a snowy morning at the White House and looks out the window to see someone has peed "OBAMA SUCKS" in the snow. . He asks the secret service to investigate. They come back and say, "sir we have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, it was a bet by Sleepy Joe." "What's worse than that?!" Says the president. "Well sir, the worse news is, it was big mike's handwriting." If you ever want to piss off your postal workers ......................try writing your zip-codes in Roman numerals Donald Trump is President, and democrats haven't been this mad since..........slavery was outlawed and public schools were desegregated. What do you call 25 skydiving Democratic Mayors? ....Skeet
  5. AOC gardens in the nude ...........................It's cheaper than a scarecrow Dear Ann, I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Marines. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts, and my father - a former dentist - is in jail for 30 years, for raping most of his patients while they were under anesthesia. The supporters of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle Benny (a master pick-pocket nicknamed "Fingers"), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid sisters (who are well-known streetwalkers.) My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is only 16 years old, so we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business. But, I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers. Should I, or shouldn't I, tell her about my cousin who is a democrat? An old Greek and an old Italian are arguing.The Greek: "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!" The Italian: "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!" The Greek: "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!" The Italian: "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!" The Greek: "We invented the Democracy!" The Italian: "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!" The Greek, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we invented sex!" The Italian: "That may be true, but we introduced it to women." With the protests about Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben,Sambo's and Famous Amos, (all great food) as being racist,............why is it that nobody is protesting Cracker Barrel ? First they came for the communists And I did not speak out because I was not a communist. Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the antifa sissies, and I did not speak out because I was not an antifa sissie. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I am not a Jew. Then they came for the colored folks, but I did not speak out because I was not black. Then they came for the ragheads, but I did not speak out because I am not arab. Then they came for the queers and transvestites, but I did not speak out because I am not queer. Then they came for the feminists, but I did not speak out because I am not a feminist. Then they stopped coming for anyone because all the problems were pretty much gone at that point.
  6. The 10mm was ditched by the FBI because the round could not be counted on to punch through a windshield. The round would follow the curve of the windshield over the roof of the car. By going to the .40 S&W it would punch through the the glass. The pressure would deform the bullet base on the 10mm and cause the deflection on glass.
  7. Saikatana

    Slow Day

    With all the self-driving vehicles out there I'm waiting for a Country-Western song....................... about how the guy's truck left him AOC took her old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained to her that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food. "What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown." AOC goes about her business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient. "Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires. "He's dead." declared AOC. "I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor. "No." she lamented. "I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise." A Democrat walks into a bar He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?" Bartender: "a Russian Collusion". The Democrat: "I'll have one of those." The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy." A liberal walks into a bar. lib: "I'm a socialist drinker!" Bartender: "Don't you mean social drinker? lib: "No,I mean socialist drinker..................... I only drink when someone else is paying."
  8. Could be worse...........could want a virgin, HONEST politician!!!!!!!
  9. Saikatana

    Life

    I'm no racist or terrorist!........... Growing up, I never missed an episode of ZORRO or AMOS AND ANDY. Taylor Swift has made millions singing about her bad choices in men.............Endorses Joe Biden. Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. "Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means." "I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. ............................."It means the car won't start." I'm sick and tired of people implying Biden is suffering from age-related cognitive decline, dementia or Alzheimer's issues. It's not true! Complete and comprehensive medical evaluations and testings have confirmed that he's NOT afflicted with anything of the sort. Fact is he's just really stupid and lies a lot. At a White House party for past presidents Big Mike Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Big Mike walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Mike, you can't say you weren't warned."
  10. Saikatana

    OK!!!!

    Biden and Kamala..............One can't tell the truth and the other can't remember it. Orion is the man! Proof I paid attention in school Any stargazer will know the constellation Orion. Greek Mythology class taught me that Orion is made up of 4 stars for the shoulders and feet, three for a belt and 5 more hanging down for a sword. Astronomy class taught me that stars were formed billions of years ago. History class taught me that swords were invented a few thousand years ago. Anatomy class taught me that the thing hanging down between Orion's legs is NOT a sword! If oil prices go any lower, Exxon Mobile might have to lay off .........................some members of Congress The banks, and even Jack-In-The-Box, are complaining about a national coin shortage.............................. How much toilet paper am I going to need to get through this? COVID-19 Self test A new and easy self-test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it's simple, quick, and positive (or negative, if you see what I mean). Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there. Then drink it. If you can taste it, then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus because the loss of the senses of smell and taste are common symptoms. I tested myself seven times last night and was virus-free every time, thank goodness. I will have to test myself again today, because I have developed a throbbing headache that can also be one of the symptoms. I'll report my results later. Why will democrats still vote for Biden? Because even if you're senile, ...........................you still qualify for a government job.
  11. A young Chinese couple, both of whom are waiters, get married. She's a virgin & truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request. She shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69". More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... "You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?" Two magazines, Country Living (95.99% white readership) and Ebony/Jet (99.99% black readership) did surveys on "WHAT DO PEOPLE FEAR MOST?” The results were interesting, to say the least. Country Living magazine's top three answers were: 1. Nuclear war/terrorist attack in U.S 2. Child/spouse dying 3. Terminal illness Ebony/Jet magazine's top three answers were: 1. Ghosts 2. Dogs 3. Registered mail I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse........................... to fulfill my fantasy that we actually have health care. Jeopardy Alex Trebek: "This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics." AOC replies: "What is a door knob ?"
  12. Hopefully a new trend in the @A Front: https://www.personaldefenseworld.com/2020/07/indiana-gun-permit-fees-civil-suits/
  13. A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients,............. and you're at least 95." AOC entered her Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and won first place!.............her dog came in second!!! 1 out of every 3 Joe Biden supporters is just as stupid as the other 2. News reporters visit a hen about a shockingly huge egg she laid recently. “This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of! Do you have any goals for the future?” “Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly. “And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters approach the rooster, “what are your goals for the future?” The rooster replies darkly, “To kill that *%#@% ostrich!”
  14. Anybody on here with knowledge regarding noisy dishwashers...................................., I've tried flowers, chocolates and wine and she's still moaning. I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct. The salesman (wearing an Bernie" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your butt year-round. A new priest, born and raised in Alabama, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand." The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shat... what happened next?" I liked it better when the news gave us the facts and we formed our own opinions.................................not like now where they give us their opinion and we have to find the facts An old Jew is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His friend Harry walks by, stops, and says, "Irv, what are you doing reading that paper? You should be reading The Jewish Journal.'" Irv says, "'The Jewish Journal' has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel...all kinds trouble for Jewish people. I like to read good news." Harry says, "What good news could possibly be in that paper?" Irv says, "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood. See? ............It's all good news."
  15. I heard a lady next to me saying a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you. Dear Lord, This has been a tough 12 months. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays, and now my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor. I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is............... Barack Obama. Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?" "Sure is, Bubba." "And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?" "Yep." "And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?" "That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?" "Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with? I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the Army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.......................Now I understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship. I think I just found my ideal job..................$500.00 a week and all the product you want ......tail gunner on a Budweiser truck
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