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Saikatana

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Saikatana last won the day on February 8 2019

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    Richmond, Va

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  1. Saikatana

    What Do You Think??

    Two very senior ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the heck is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted. Just discovered a great way to save time in the morning...…………... I now eat breakfast before I go to bed. I'm not a stalker,...…………………. I'm just an undocumented private investigator. Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change color?...............…..He had a reptile dysfunction. She asked me "If you could have a threesome with any of my friends, who would you choose?" Apparently, I was only supposed to choose one. I get out of the hospital in 2 weeks A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. 'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. 'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.' 'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept................................ When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed...'
  2. Saikatana

    Air Force Survival Rifle

    Check this out: https://www.shootingillustrated.com/articles/2018/11/15/classic-guns-bushmaster-arm-pistol/
  3. Saikatana

    Truth, Stranger Then Fiction

    Pelosi has evil lessons with Satan every week...……………………………………..I don't know how much she charges! Sounds of Bacon Hello bacon my old friend I'd like to eat some more of you again Because an odor softly creeping Filled my dreams while I was sleeping And the taste that was planted in my brain...……...still remains Echoed with the sound …………. of sizzling. ( Apologies to Simon & Garfunkel ) AOC used to think she was telepathic with the ability to hear peoples' thoughts..........................but her psychiatrist told her she has schizophrenia. There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young man standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness". I said," Come in and sit down". When he sat down I asked, "What do you want to talk about"? He said, " Damned if I know, I've never got this far before" Pelosi called the White House and got Trump on the phone , "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Unconcerned, he replied, "No..." She responded, "OK, how about now?" I phoned my local radio station today. When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize." "Wahoo!" I shouted in delight. "It's a Math question," he said. "Feeling confident?" "I've got a degree in Math and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied. "Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Bernie Sanders and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?" "7," I replied.
  4. Saikatana

    Some Lose In Translation

    The Debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy! Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!" Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won. "I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here." "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!"
  5. Saikatana

    You Know It's Bad When

    The Supreme Court has announced that all 9 justices are healthy......…………... Have they not seen Ruth Bader Ginsburg lately? Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving. "Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" "Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!" I was having a bad day so…I tried the whole “pull up big girl panties” thing. She didn't appreciate the wedgie but I did feel better after. It is with great regret that White Castle must announce the nationwide closing of all restaurants, effective immediately. ….This is not due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but rather due to the toilet paper shortage. My brother went to jail and didn't take it very well. He yelled insults at everyone and threw feces on the wall...…...…………... I'm not playing Monopoly with him anymore.
  6. Saikatana

    California insanity......

    In Nursing School, the students did a ride along with the Health Inspector. My sister swore off her favorite restaurant when the Inspector discovered 4 cat carcass's in the cooler when she rode with him one day!
  7. Saikatana

    As The Stomach Turns

    AOC needed a password eight characters long............….so she picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. If you get sick from your Godfather,...………………... it could be the Corleone virus A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl’s chest and says, :Big breaths…” The girl replies, “Yeth and I’m not even thixteen.” Acceptable Excuse A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research paper be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for being late : 1) A certifiable medical excuse. 2) A death in the student's immediate family. The class smart aleck raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter. After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glare and said, "Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand."
  8. Saikatana

    And That's The Way It Is

    What has 6 legs and 1/10 of a brain? A combined Biden-Sanders campaign rally. I'm going to get even with the toilet paper hoarders.................I'm going to start buying all the plungers. Labor Pains A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch. Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19 ..........................the Virus has been quarantined for 14 days AOC: "Pence in charge of the Corona virus? Really? They should have picked me...I've served 1000s of Coronas and nobody ever got sick."
  9. Saikatana

    I hope this is real...

    Mentos released into four 2 Liter Cokes????????????????
  10. Saikatana

    What To Get Me For My Birthday

    https://www.thefirearmblog.com/blog/2020/02/04/the-continental-safe-bdu-100000-00/
  11. Saikatana

    I Hate When That Happens!!

    A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway...…………….. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a very small head After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head?" The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on a deserted island. After several months on this deserted island, a beautiful mermaid suddenly appeared and granted me three wishes. My first wish is that I'd like to be rescued from this island I told her" To which the Mermaid said, "tomorrow a rescue boat will find you" "My second wish is that I'd like to be rich for the rest of my days" The Mermaid said, "invest early in these companies, and you will be a wealthy man... And what is your final wish?" "Well Mermaid, you know I've been stranded on this island for so long, and seeing as you are so beautiful, I'd wish for nothing more than to sleep with you" The Mermaid sighed and said, "I cannot grant you that wish, you see I'm a half fish, it would not work" Frustrated, the man said, "Well how about a little head then?" New photos of the Kennedy Assassination have emerged...………...Turns out it was Hillary on the grassy knoll! A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." A Pakistani man knocks on the pearly gates: St. Peter: "What do you want ?" Pakistani: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's here."
  12. Saikatana

    Maybe?????

    Coronavirus can't be that bad More Americans who were close to the Clintons have died than have died from coronavirus. Mayor Pete pulls out He gave it all he had. He thrust himself into the dark passages of a Presidential campaign. While he was never able to fully penetrate the party, in the end he did leave his mark. Hillary's last request: When I die, I want the word "humble" to be written...……………... in diamonds on my 20 foot statue made of solid gold. My wife died a few months ago. Ever since, I've been a total mess.....………….no sleep, weight loss, blood shot eyes, dirty clothes, etc. My best friend said, "Man, you've got to stop celebrating! FINALLY! St Patrick's Day's coming...………..Now my underwear will be the right color A cop turns turns on the blue lights when the car sitting at the STOP sign in front of him fails to move after five minutes. He walks to the window and confronts a very drunk AOC. "What are you doing ma'am?" he asks. Trying to focus on his face she slurs, "DUH!! Waiting for it to turn green!!" "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. oney, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." https://forums.craigslist.org/?ID=304558452
  13. Saikatana

    Latchless Charging Handles?

    Can't find the Video now on YouTube but I have seen a video with a latchless charging handle that hit the shooter in the face twice before he gave up switched out the charging handle. YMMV Saikatana
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