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Saikatana

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Saikatana last won the day on February 8

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  1. Saikatana

    Just Thinking Aloud

    Elizabeth Warren says only the Government should have guns............................................................................... A real Indian would know better. This needs to be done ASAP... There needs to be an investigation............................................... to find out if anyone in the democrat party has ties to America. The CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,............ but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. Little Johnny was in school and the teacher asked the class a math problem. If there were three birds sitting on a telephone wire and a hunter shot one how many birds would be left? Johnny blurted out NONE. The other birds would fly away when they heard the gun shot. The teacher said, wrong the correct answer is two,...…. But I like your thinking Johnny grumbles to himself than says, I have a question. If three women are sitting one a bench eating all eating ice cream which one is married. Woman one is licking it up and down and #2 is licking it around and around and #3 is eating it from the top which one is married. The teacher now embarrassed just wants to get this over so she says #3. Johnny says NOPE. Its the one with the ring on her finger...…..But I like your thinking. AOC was trying to impress the PGA convention "I have a massive collection of the erasers from all the miniature golf pencils. Lovemaking Tips For Older People 1. Put bi-focals on . double check that you're with the right partner. 2. Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes... in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting . turn them ALL OFF! 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember what to scream out at the end. 6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have heating pads, tylenol, splints and crutches ready in case you actually complete the act.
  2. Saikatana

    Consider.......

    My daughter should be getting her mid term grades soon........................….I'm excited to see how I'm doing in algebra. Trump has been under investigation for over two years but none of his enemies have committed suicide. Why have Hillary's???? WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title "Nude Photo of Nancy Pelosi" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi. The things I do to make my wife happy .I'm wearing her underwear.................................She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight!!!! “Son, I’ve found a condom in your room.” “Gee thanks, Grandpa!” “Why are you calling me Grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it last month” One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
  3. Saikatana

    OK< My Thoughts For Today

    The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went..... My Engaged Friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The Mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I Had To Share My Story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said.... "What's for dinner, Zorro?" I'm so old.........................………...I remember what was on the menu at the Last Supper. The truth about the economy Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama lost his job! Why did God create lesbians? ..................So feminists couldn't breed. Don't forget, that being bi-sexual Instantly doubles your chance for a date.
  4. Saikatana

    Contemplate.........

    When I was a kid, my parents would always say "excuse my French" after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school ........................when the teacher asked if we knew any French!!! I was exploring the news websites . With cameras that take thousands of pictures per second...……………………... they still can't take one of AOC with her mouth shut. AOC was asked this question: Which is closer, Chicago or the Moon? Duh! She replied Chicago! I can see the Moon! Asked to name a famous mountain AOC, after a long pause, smiled and replied...……………... Mountain Dew. How does a man show he's planning for the future? Easy...............he buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  5. Saikatana

    News to Amuse

    Y'all know I like fishing, I have so much fishing tackle, fishing poles, wading equipment, and so much more. So my wife said I have to sell some stuff to make more room. I'm selling a dust mop, a vacuum cleaner, a broom with matching dust pan, a set of bathroom toilet brushes, and many more items. Only serious buyers please. Thanks. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her "First offender?" She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender." President Trump to AOC Trump: You are some dumb, big-mouth woman...You are some dumb, big-mouth woman AOC: You didn't have to say it twice. Trump: I didn't. That was an echo. Your mouth was open AOC warning to illegals: Be careful when you get to New York, they have signs here that say:....….WATCH FOR ICE ON BRIDGE AOC declared the extra hour of daylight that Daylight Savings Time provides contributes to Global Warning.
  6. Saikatana

    AOC Brain Trust

    AOC AOC: My thermos keeps my coffee hot and my ice tea cold. How does it know? The only reason Muslims attack us is because we are always at war with them. AOC = America's Official Crackpot My car ran rough so I took it to a mechanic. He said "It's okay. Just crap in the carburetor." AOC replied "Really? How often?" Owning guns is not a right … if it was it would be in the Constitution. Everybody wants me to read the Constitution but it's written in cursive. I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The bell rand but it was still a potato. For every job Trump creates I can kill 3. So I'm winning. I don't care if they're murders, rapists or pedophiles, the death penalty is wrong. I have the right to abort my unborn child. It's not true that I didn't understand the Amazon deal. I do know that NYC has the Hudson, the East and the Harlem rivers, why do we need another river? Science corner with AOC: Why do elevators have a button for the floor you are already on? AOC: I hope I never have twins. I can't imagine being pregnant for 18 months. If the camera lens is round why do the pictures come out square? AOC: single handedly putting an end to dumb blonde jokes.
  7. Saikatana

    NASCAR Did WHAT?????

    Now even NASCAR tells us what we need to see: https://www.alloutdoor.com/2019/08/27/nascar-goes-anti-gun-bans-black-rifle-ads/
  8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v3sg3sTbJ8
  9. Saikatana

    I'm Just Saying

    Since my wife's lost weight and grown her hair nice and long again, it's amazing the celebrity comparisons she always gets when we're out. People point and ask, .........................."Is that Mick Jagger?" My medic alert bracelet has the inscription ........."Please clear browser history." Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is so consumed by her "Green New Deal" that Pelosi was getting very concerned. After a deep heart-to-heart discussion, Nancy finally convinced her to see a psychiatrist to help deal with her fixation. After her session, the Dr. came to his conclusion. He sat her down and explained to her that she suffers from AOCD. AOC heard Argentina's economy collapsed. She said: Maybe they should try socialism. Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks: DATING (Outside the Family) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. What do you call Stormy Daniels cleavage? .................Silicone Valley
  10. Saikatana

    What ?????????

    Maxine Waters and AOC find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. Maxine asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" AOC says: "Duh..........We'll lie and say we only found two." What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and KFC? KFC has big breasts and small thighs. New Quarters Recalled Hang on to any of the new quartersdesigned by AOC under a new program of the US Mint.. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the AOC quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each Congressmans state. "We are recalling all the new AOC quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices". The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide. "The problem lies in the unique design of the AOC quarter, which was created by a bartender/Congress woman," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
  11. Saikatana

    From All Over

    My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.... Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable. Restricted Circulation -- can you relate? 1961: Long hair 2019: Longing for hair 1961 : KEG 2019 : EKG 1961 : Acid rock 2019 : Acid reflux 1961 : Moving to California because it’s cool. 2019 : Moving to Arizona because it’s warm. 1961 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor. 2019 : Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor . 1961 : Seeds and stems 2019: Roughage 1961 : Hoping for a BMW. 2019 : Hoping for a BM. 1961 : Going to a new, hip joint. 2019 : Getting a new hip joint. 1961 : Rolling Stones 2019 : Kidney Stones 1961 : Disco 2019: Costco 1961 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut. 2019: Children begging you to get their heads shaved. 1961 : Passing the driver’s test. 2019: Passing the vision test. 1961 : Whatever 2019: Depends Just in case you weren’t feeling too old yet, the following will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give faculty a sense of the Mindset of that year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list: The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 2000. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced 9 years before they were born. They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: “Where's the Beef?", “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or "de plane, Boss, de plane." They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers. They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter. https://forums.craigslist.org/?ID=299665825
  12. Saikatana

    OSHA inspector had a stroke.

    Wow I guess you better be good or fast!! True Story My father was in the hospital when he mentioned the bed kept moving. The monitor screen on the foot of the bed said.."Ground Lost" I removed the plug and found the 3rd prong was cut off! Notified the nurse who called Maintenance. Bubba showed up and informed us the wide prong was a ground so he just cut the round prong off.....................ON ALL 320 BEDS in the hospital!! When we informed the Charge Nurse that this was an OSHA violation and the fine was $1500 per bed, things really started jumping They had Bubba replacing cords on all the beds.
  13. Saikatana

    Just Because

    Pelosi wants to see Trump in prison, ..................................but I doubt Trump will have the time to visit Just a reminder for this upcoming Father's Day.. .....To the Dads Please teach your daughters how to aim properly...................................... After all, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong, ........................but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to reduce this belly. I pissed off two people today by calling them hipsters..................Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins. Two men are standing in line for toilet paper in Russia. One man says to the other " I'm tired of standing in long lines for my basic needs. I know who is responsible...I'm going to go shoot Putin ! " And off he goes. A few hours later, the man comes back and sees his friend in the same line for toilet paper. " How did it go ?" asks his friend "Did you shoot Putin ? " "No," says the man, " the line for that was longer than this one ! ".
  14. I used to work with a guy that made it his life mission to answer the phone before anyone else to get to it. As soon as the phone rang, he would snatch up the handset and bring it to his ear. One day I super-glued the handset into the cradle and made sure everyone was around when I rang the main line. Sure enough, he reached over grabbed the handset to snatch it up and nearly knocked his own ass out as he smacked himself in the head with his whole phone. The entire office was laughing their butts off. I was digging in my yard and found a box with gold coins in it. I thought, "I should tell my wife"..................................Then I remembered why I was digging in the yard. Two women had been having a friendly lunch, when the subject turned to sex. “You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems." Linda told her friend. “That’s amazing!” Mary replied. “So have Tom and I." "We’re thinking of going to a sex therapist." said Linda. “Oh, we could never do that! We’d be too embarrassed!” responded Mary. “But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?” Several weeks passed and the two friends met for lunch again. “So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?” Mary asked. “Things couldn’t be better!” Linda exclaimed. “We began with a physical exam and afterward, the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every a grape went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it’s better than it’s ever been!” With that endorsement, Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed, the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. “I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you.” he said. “But doctor!” Mary complained. “You did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can’t you give us some help? Any help at all?” “Well, OK.” the doctor answered. “On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios.” Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses? .................................Italians don't like ANY witnesses...
  15. Saikatana

    Higher Education

    Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall CatalogueOnce again, the male staff at Whatsamatta U. will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required: 1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag 2. You Can Change The Oil Too 4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug 5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas 6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness 7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football 8. Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around 9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop 10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right 11. Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself 12. Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right 13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility 14. You, The Whining Sex 15. Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours 16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother 17. How To Close The Garage Door 18. If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation 19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia 20. Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank 21. Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation 22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself 23. Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend 24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous 25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother 26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack 27. Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most 28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men 29. Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving 30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
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