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Saikatana

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Saikatana last won the day on February 8

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  1. Saikatana

    From All Over the Place

    At the Dentist's Dentist: "You have three cavities. Do you want to have them all filled today?" AOC: "Woah woah, we just met, let's start with fixing my teeth, then we'll see about that! Subject: The "F" Word These are the only ten times in history the "F" word has been acceptable for use... 10. "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877 8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938 7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -Picasso, 1926 6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo,1566 4. "Where the @#$% are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937 3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers.... my ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC 2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -Bill Clinton, 1999 And . . . drum roll . . . . . 1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." -Osama bin Laden, November, 2001 If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple……..what would she have done for a Klondike bar? The Blind Man A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said," do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!" My friend injured his manhood in a surfing incident..............................He had to shut his laptop quickly when his wife came home unexpectedly
  2. Saikatana

    Sometimes it Just Happens

    Apparently, there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support. A woman calls up her husband at work for a chat. HIM “I’m sorry dear but I’m up to my neck in work today.” HER “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you dear.” HIM “OK darling, but as I’ve got no time now, just give me the good news.” HER “Well, the air bag works.” The Test My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is:......................................................................................... Always keep your condoms in your car!!!!!!!!!! I do like to spoil the misses after she’s had a long day at work, I run the hot water, make sure it’s got loads of bubbles. swirl it around and around to make it all frothy. Time it perfectly..............so she can do the dishes the minute she walks in
  3. Saikatana

    Beware the Season

    Thanksgiving The turkey shot out of the oven, And rocketed into the air. It knocked every plate off the table, And partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner, And burst with a deafening boom. Then splattered all over the kitchen, Completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows. It totally coated the floor. There was turkey attached to the ceiling, Where there’d never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance. It smeared every saucer and bowl. There wasn’t a way I could stop it. That turkey was out of control! I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, And thought with chagrin as I mopped, That I’d never again stuff a turkey With popcorn that hadn’t been popped.
  4. Saikatana

    Little Bits of Knowledge

    Consider all those who "promised" to leave the USA if Trump won the Presidency... It's been almost 3 years and they're still here. It's because of the tariffs on livestock!!!!! I started to go to the gym this morning but I realized I lost my membership card. A new one costs $10...................A donut and coffee is $4.00.......................... Guess who saved $6.00? One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?” “Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.” “Three?” “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is the Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” “Oh no,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it.” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?” “No, on the contrary…” “So,” Socrates interrupted, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?” The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?” “Well it….no, not really…” “Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?” The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife... Most people write "Congrats" on cards..........because they can't spell congrashulashuns
  5. Saikatana

    Lost the key? No problem.

    OK How about an enema system for Dems??????
  6. Saikatana

    Current Event

    McDonald's CEO Steve Easterbrook out after 'poor judgment' involving relationship with employee........really? He warned them in 2016 at a staff meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. Saikatana

    Just My Thoughts

    Stalking: When two people go for a long, romantic walk together................but only one knows it. If Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween..........I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors Saved some money this year and got candy at Aldi....................Hope the kids like Skattles, N&N's, and 4 Musketeers. Do You Think?????? ---Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record --Wife Of Protestant Asks Him To Please Stop Nailing Grocery List To Front Door --Asylum Orderlies Return Hillary Clinton To Padded Cell Disguised As Oval Office --Progressive Utopia Of California Becomes First State To Eliminate Electricity Entirely --Washington Post To Run All Headlines By In-House ISIS Marketing Rep --CNN Uncovers Evidence Hero Dog Sniffed Dozens Of Butts Back In College -Extreme Vegan Has All Meat Removed From Body --Trump Gets Dems To Interrupt Baseball, Condemn Dogs, Side With Terrorists.................. All Within 24 Hours
  8. Saikatana

    Just Thinking Aloud

    Elizabeth Warren says only the Government should have guns............................................................................... A real Indian would know better. This needs to be done ASAP... There needs to be an investigation............................................... to find out if anyone in the democrat party has ties to America. The CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,............ but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. Little Johnny was in school and the teacher asked the class a math problem. If there were three birds sitting on a telephone wire and a hunter shot one how many birds would be left? Johnny blurted out NONE. The other birds would fly away when they heard the gun shot. The teacher said, wrong the correct answer is two,...…. But I like your thinking Johnny grumbles to himself than says, I have a question. If three women are sitting one a bench eating all eating ice cream which one is married. Woman one is licking it up and down and #2 is licking it around and around and #3 is eating it from the top which one is married. The teacher now embarrassed just wants to get this over so she says #3. Johnny says NOPE. Its the one with the ring on her finger...…..But I like your thinking. AOC was trying to impress the PGA convention "I have a massive collection of the erasers from all the miniature golf pencils. Lovemaking Tips For Older People 1. Put bi-focals on . double check that you're with the right partner. 2. Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes... in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting . turn them ALL OFF! 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember what to scream out at the end. 6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have heating pads, tylenol, splints and crutches ready in case you actually complete the act.
  9. Saikatana

    Consider.......

    My daughter should be getting her mid term grades soon........................….I'm excited to see how I'm doing in algebra. Trump has been under investigation for over two years but none of his enemies have committed suicide. Why have Hillary's???? WARNING! If you get an e-mail with the title "Nude Photo of Nancy Pelosi" DO NOT OPEN IT! It IS a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi. The things I do to make my wife happy .I'm wearing her underwear.................................She doesn't know I'm wearing them but when she puts them on tomorrow she'll think she lost weight!!!! “Son, I’ve found a condom in your room.” “Gee thanks, Grandpa!” “Why are you calling me Grandpa?” “Because I couldn’t find it last month” One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
  10. Saikatana

    OK< My Thoughts For Today

    The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went..... My Engaged Friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The Mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I Had To Share My Story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said.... "What's for dinner, Zorro?" I'm so old.........................………...I remember what was on the menu at the Last Supper. The truth about the economy Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama lost his job! Why did God create lesbians? ..................So feminists couldn't breed. Don't forget, that being bi-sexual Instantly doubles your chance for a date.
  11. Saikatana

    Contemplate.........

    When I was a kid, my parents would always say "excuse my French" after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school ........................when the teacher asked if we knew any French!!! I was exploring the news websites . With cameras that take thousands of pictures per second...……………………... they still can't take one of AOC with her mouth shut. AOC was asked this question: Which is closer, Chicago or the Moon? Duh! She replied Chicago! I can see the Moon! Asked to name a famous mountain AOC, after a long pause, smiled and replied...……………... Mountain Dew. How does a man show he's planning for the future? Easy...............he buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  12. Saikatana

    News to Amuse

    Y'all know I like fishing, I have so much fishing tackle, fishing poles, wading equipment, and so much more. So my wife said I have to sell some stuff to make more room. I'm selling a dust mop, a vacuum cleaner, a broom with matching dust pan, a set of bathroom toilet brushes, and many more items. Only serious buyers please. Thanks. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her "First offender?" She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender." President Trump to AOC Trump: You are some dumb, big-mouth woman...You are some dumb, big-mouth woman AOC: You didn't have to say it twice. Trump: I didn't. That was an echo. Your mouth was open AOC warning to illegals: Be careful when you get to New York, they have signs here that say:....….WATCH FOR ICE ON BRIDGE AOC declared the extra hour of daylight that Daylight Savings Time provides contributes to Global Warning.
  13. Saikatana

    AOC Brain Trust

    AOC AOC: My thermos keeps my coffee hot and my ice tea cold. How does it know? The only reason Muslims attack us is because we are always at war with them. AOC = America's Official Crackpot My car ran rough so I took it to a mechanic. He said "It's okay. Just crap in the carburetor." AOC replied "Really? How often?" Owning guns is not a right … if it was it would be in the Constitution. Everybody wants me to read the Constitution but it's written in cursive. I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The bell rand but it was still a potato. For every job Trump creates I can kill 3. So I'm winning. I don't care if they're murders, rapists or pedophiles, the death penalty is wrong. I have the right to abort my unborn child. It's not true that I didn't understand the Amazon deal. I do know that NYC has the Hudson, the East and the Harlem rivers, why do we need another river? Science corner with AOC: Why do elevators have a button for the floor you are already on? AOC: I hope I never have twins. I can't imagine being pregnant for 18 months. If the camera lens is round why do the pictures come out square? AOC: single handedly putting an end to dumb blonde jokes.
  14. Saikatana

    NASCAR Did WHAT?????

    Now even NASCAR tells us what we need to see: https://www.alloutdoor.com/2019/08/27/nascar-goes-anti-gun-bans-black-rifle-ads/
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