Jump to content

Flesh Wound

Moderator
  • Content Count

    19,737
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    102

Flesh Wound last won the day on May 19

Flesh Wound had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

4,248 Excellent

1 Follower

About Flesh Wound

  • Rank
    Yardstick for lunatics.

Profile Information

  • Location
    Dallas, TX
  • State and Country Flags
    Texas

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Flesh Wound

    Good Morning!

    Good Morning from North Texas!
  2. Flesh Wound

    Dammit! It's Monday again!

    A two-fer.
  3. Flesh Wound

    Good Morning!

    Good Morning from North Texas!
  4. Flesh Wound

    Midway USA sucky Customer Service (Again)

    Ok, both of you stop it right now. No more warnings.
  5. Flesh Wound

    OW!

    Feeling a bit better. I can get up out of a chair without having to hold onto anything now. Going 8 hours between pain med doses too. May feel good enough to drive tomorrow. Borrowing a car from a buddy. Need to figure out what to do with the wrecked truck. Maybe go look at used trucks Monday.
  6. Flesh Wound

    I"m staying right here!

    A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
  7. Flesh Wound

    Guess my age...

    A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’ ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’ Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’ While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’ He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
  8. Flesh Wound

    For Joel...

    Pull his finger!
  9. Flesh Wound

    Good Morning!

    Good Morning from North Texas!
  10. Flesh Wound

    Midway USA sucky Customer Service (Again)

    That's me as well.
  11. Flesh Wound

    I thought I got lucky!

    She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks’, and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?" She explained, “The Egg Timer is Broken." And the eggs were under-done.
  12. Flesh Wound

    Midway USA sucky Customer Service (Again)

    That's not a surprise. The costs to sell on venues like FeeBay or AMZ can be high. When I was selling a lot on FeeBay they and PayPal got a solid 20% of my sales in their fees.
  13. Flesh Wound

    OW!

    These events will not be televised.
×