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Through the Other Guys Eyes

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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. Youre not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didnt put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, thats the same as putting it in!"




My masseuse asked if I wanted a "Happy Ending"


I said "SURE" and whipped off my towel.


She pointed, laughed, and left.





This past Christmas we had the whole family over for a big dinner. Its always fun but it seems like the wife is cooking forever on that day even though she gets up at 3:00am to start. This year I decided to ask her why. Now.....a warning. Most women would rather maim you than let you question anything in "their domain". Secondly....well because she is going through "the change".


Anyway, I gently asked her is it possible to double the recipes of all your dishes you are cooking so you could fit more in at a time? She stares and me and laughs and says..."Duh you are obviously not T H I N K I N G very well. I CANT DOUBLE THE RECIPE YOU MORON........THE OVEN DOESN'T GO UP TO 700 DEGREES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.....GET OUT OF HERE....WHERES MY MEDS....I NEED A DRINK.....

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